At 11:32 AM today I died peacefully in my bed. Unfortunately, at 11:45 the doorbell rang with a very important delivery for my husband. I took the delivery but had a hard time signing for it. Since I was already downstairs, I lay down on the couch to finish dying but the dishwasher just finished running and needed to be unloaded. I dropped a plate and two glasses because my fingers were starting to cramp up.
I wanted to just sit at the kitchen table and die but the dryer buzzed and the uniforms and dress shirts needed to come out right away. Buttoning the shirts was almost impossible now. Maybe dying in the garage would be convenient so I curled up on a load of blankets. When my phone alarm went off I had to go pick up the kids from school. Driving when you’re dead is really hard. I backed over the neighbor’s cat because I couldn’t turn my head.
I got back home and went back upstairs to die but then someone yelled up asking what’s for dinner. Can’t remember their names anymore. I got up and put the casserole in the oven. My vocal chords aren’t working anymore but between the earbuds and the video games, no one notices.
My husband came home and said I looked dead on my feet. I thought that was funny and tried to laugh but all that came out was a dry, croak-like sound.
We got into bed and he said I should put on socks because my feet were ice cold. I got up and put on my fluffy purple socks and lay back down.
At 11:32 PM today I died peacefully in my bed.
Maxine Kollar is a wife and a mother of three living in California. She has been very busy for the past fifteen years but now intends to dedicate time to her writing.