We arrived early–around 6:45 a.m.–to ensure our admission, which was followed by an additional five hours of waiting just to purchase the tickets. Standing in line I couldn’t help but notice the diverse group of people I was surrounded by. In front of us stood Arrogance Personified, a Dr. Who who failed to acknowledge my existence when he introduced himself to Adam. Behind us stood a soccer mom who was probably the head of the P.T.A. and most likely sports a “my child is an honor student” sticker on the back of her minivan when not in costume. She was mindlessly ranting to nobody about last year’s experience. And If Arrogance and Mother of the Year weren’t enough to rattle me, some strange cyber trooper crept up behind Adam, and within seconds was all up in my grill begging to lay one on me.
After hours of waiting and being harassed we finally made it into the building–only to wait in another line. The lady issuing tickets took her sweet time with the two people in front of us, but I don’t blame her because I hear that selling tickets can be a very tedious job. After we got our tickets we ventured off into the wonderful world of fantasy and marveled at the elaborate costumes and palpable excitement of the convention. After spending countless hours of waiting in line we decided it was about time to eat. Since neither Adam nor I eat meat we settled for some overpriced veggie wraps that tasted like wanna-be sushi with some sort of pretend tortilla. They were an insult to our taste buds. Around the time we decided we could no longer go on eating, I spotted a very large, very friendly event staff guy. Being the temerarious person I am I followed my instinct and asked him if I could jump on his back. He politely told me he couldn’t give me a piggyback ride, because he’d get in trouble (although he wished he could). But no matter, I was now on a mission to be lifted off the ground by an incredibly large man.
We went upstairs to the actual Comicon event floor. We heard an applause coming from the back of the room so we went to see what it was. To our surprise, Stan Lee, the father of Marvel, was standing onstage with Iron Man! He was thanking the crowd for attending and when he finished, I approached the stage and asked to take a picture with him. Lee then proceeded to completely disregard me but I smiled right as he was about to walk away and Adam quickly snapped a picture. (Take that, Stan.)
Meeting the creator of Spider-Man was very exciting, but not as exciting as getting to meet the villainous Bane from Batman. He was tall and beefy, like a dream. This man fulfilled my mission of being swept off my feet by a huge member of the male species. I asked him to pick me up and he was all too willing to do so, after obtaining his woman’s permission.
After our encounter with Bane, we strolled through the convention some more checking out the cosplay and whatnot and I noticed that a strange man who was dressed as Loki was following me. Look, I heard that Comic Con had a few kooky participants, but this guy was so, so creepy. I first noticed Loki when Adam and I walked passed him while making our way to the middle of the convention. I glanced at him and he greeted me with the most pedophilic grin. I decided I wasn’t going to react, surely he wasn’t trying to be creepy. I told Adam about him and he wanted to get a look at him so we circled around and strolled past again. Loki, again, gave me what was now turning into his signature smile. Around this time I convinced Adam to play on the Rock Band stage. For those of you who don’t know Adam, he is a professional Rockband drummer; what a skill. I watched from the crowd, sensing Loki’s eyes at the back of my head, as Adam had the time of his life failing through “When You Were Young.” (I’m sure he appreciates me for forcing him to participate.) When Adam was done we cruised the convention with Loki trailing behind us, and I got to take pictures with Mr. T, the red Power Ranger, and nightmare-inducing bunny Frank from Donnie Darko!
Right before we left, we found Loki again, who was most likely observing from afar, and I took a picture with him. I figured we could get on a first name basis before leaving and never seeing him again. I won’t disclose his name because I’ve been saying so many negative things about him and he probably has a nice family with a nice job where he gets along nicely with his co-workers. Anyway, Loki and I posed, we exchanged creepy smiles, and Adam and I left.
I have to say, my first Comicon experience was such a thrill. I enjoyed venturing into a new demographic and finding people who are weirder than me. Oh, I forgot to mention that I cosplayed as Clark Kent but got extremely hot and decided to remove the sexy flannel I was wearing. From then on, I was Superman for the rest of the convention. Don’t worry, next year I’m stepping up my game and going as Wonder Woman. See you all at Comicon 2014!